No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
