Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
