So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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