Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
