Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so let's talk penis.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
