you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They took my balls.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
