Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
