When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize