it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
