I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we're so committed to being not committed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
