Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
