I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dignity is for republicans.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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