Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize