I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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