shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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