He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
