so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
