Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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