yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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