Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
