I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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