You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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