Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
