and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
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That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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