The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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