Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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