id be glad to
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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