I feel great
I just peed on a car
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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