he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
