dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
