i think my tv is drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
