Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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