It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
