She's like a pop up book from hell.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
