I wish I only lived at night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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