Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
