Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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