I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
