Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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