: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
