I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
50% drunk capacity currently
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
