either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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