then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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