TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
