The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
