I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
