Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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