You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
