guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am naked and annoyed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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