Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
