question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
