SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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