I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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