I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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