He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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