i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
