I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
