Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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