We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
