Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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