i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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