i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
that's an acceptable place to lick
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
