Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize