Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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