Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
