I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
