i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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