failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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