Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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