Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
