i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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